Taking Up Space & Saying It Out Loud : Carmen Rene

Join Talin in the studio with body acceptance activist Carmen Rene. Carmen sheds light on lipedema awareness and talks about how its okay to take up space. This conversation is about unlearning shame, spreading awareness and saying the things people are often scared to say out loud.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Said What I Said with Selene. I'm so excited to be back with you guys. And today we have a very special episode. She's a body acceptance activist and a content creator from a small town and someone who uses her platform to shed light on lipedema awareness, a condition that so many people live with but don't hear nearly enough about. This conversation is about taking up space, unlearning shame, spreading awareness, and saying things people are often scared to say out loud. So today's guest, everyone, please welcome Miss Carmen Renee. Oh my gosh, what an intro! That was great. Thank you so much. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. I'm so excited to have you. Just to give you guys a little bit of like a backstory how Carmen and I met. We were actually on set for the Supermodels Unlimited magazine shoe. And Carmen was, of course, the beautiful model coming in. And we met downstairs. I was the stylist assistant like on the project. And like she just brought in this like radiating, like beautiful energy, and like you walked in with so much confidence. And I was like, I need to know this girl. I'm like, who is she? I want to be her friend. Oh my gosh. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

That's so sweet. That was such a special day, amazing day for me. And literally, everybody I met from the second I walked in was just amazing. So I'm really happy that we've connected and happy to be here.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

So excited. We have so much amazing things to talk about today, shed light and shed awareness on so many different situations. So I want to get started and talk a little bit about you. You're from a small town in Oregon and you're in LA now. So talk me through that. What was like sparking this change to come out here or like talk me through all of that?

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Yeah, well, it's been a long time. So I've actually been, I came out to LA when I was 18. I did grow up in a very, very small town, but I just kind of always knew that I that I needed to get out and explore. I love where I grew up. Um my family still lives there and I go home a lot. But I just made up this is just how I am. Like I made up my mind, okay, well, I want to go to school for fashion merchandising. So I'm gonna find a school and I'm gonna go. Like yeah, that's the plan. You know what I mean? And that that was the plan. I applied. Luckily, I got in, I got a scholarship, and I moved from my little tiny 3,000 people town to Burbank in 20 in 2006. Wow. Okay. Now everybody knows my age, but yeah. Um and then I just I went through college and I did study. I have a degree in fashion marketing, um, a bachelor's degree, and I thought that I wanted to get in the fashion world and do um become a buyer, fashion merchandiser, but I got kind really into events, and so I switched gears a little bit. I worked in hospitality for years, and then eventually I got super burnt out on corporate, and I'm like, I I kind of just got fed up honestly on everybody thinking that I was like some alien source of confidence that was so rare. And I'm I just began to understand it shouldn't be this rare, you know what I mean? I shouldn't be some anomaly existing in this body with so much confidence. Everybody should have this confidence.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

And so that's really was my motivation to get into the work that I'm doing now. Yeah um, and I mean that's my goal in life is just to help people become more confident. And I think you have to you have to live what you want other people to walk away with from yourself. So I do try to enter every room like I'm the baddest bee because you most of the time. I genuinely feel like I am most of the time. I'm now I'm not perfect, but anyway, so that's kind of how I I started all of this.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Yeah, that's amazing. I mean, what is that like? Just like obviously growing up in a small town, the lifestyle in LA is like so different. Like, what were some of the challenges that you faced with that?

SPEAKER_02 4:07

I think everything was a challenge, if I'm being honest. Um, how I grew up, I've always existed in this body. I've never been small. So growing up where I where I did, it was challenging because I there wasn't like a lot of even like big kids were in my school, you know. There was like three of us, and everyone knew, you know, who we were. Um, like the chubby kids. And my mom always battled with her weight, but I I never really consider her to be like big. However, just her own, you know, battles with body image, diet culture. Um, I I was in Weight Watchers with my mom when when I was in sixth grade on. Okay. So my relationship with my body and dieting has always been very complicated. And I think when I came out here, it was my chance to start fresh, you know. Yeah. People that don't know me, you know, there's so much diversity in Southern California that it's like, oh, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only big girl. I'm you know, there's other big girls. Oh wow, and look at it was right when social media was starting. Okay. And I could see people who were really thriving in their bodies. Yeah. So that helped me a lot. And then I was definitely always the girl in high school who was friends with everybody, but never, I never really felt like I was desired romantically by anybody. And then I came out here and it's like, oh, like, okay, like I got a I got a I got a dump truck back then. All right. Guys like that. I didn't know that. You know what I mean? And so it was just really getting to know myself and and learning through different experiences and different people's experiences too. Like what I have is really okay. And it and just because I'm different doesn't mean that I'm not worthy of feeling loved, feeling accepted, having amazing experiences. And those all started for me really after I I left home. Yeah. And and that is such a push for me, too, of why I I want to live the best, fullest life and show people who do feel like maybe they don't deserve that, that you absolutely do, and it's all possible.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

Absolutely. And I love that about you, like your confidence really radiates not just through like what you say, but just like your overall presence as a human being. And I think people who are fortunate enough to be in the same room as you could definitely like tell and can feel that. I know I did the very first moment I met you. So, like, huge like props, and just like want to give you your grace and flowers for that. Cause coming, like we all I feel like every single human being struggles with confidence, you know? And like a lot of people follow you now and they see your confidence, but like confidence doesn't usually come until after some sort of struggle, right? So, can you talk about like your relationship like with your body like growing up?

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Yeah, it I don't I don't think it was great. Um, I've so I have two conditions which I know we're gonna talk about lymphedema and lip edema.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

Um, I didn't get my lip edema diagnosis till I was an adult, but I had my lymphedema diagnosis very young because um lymphedema typically causes swelling through one of your extremities. It's usually just one leg or one arm. But for me, my doctors think that I was born without some of my lymph nodes. So it causes the lymphatic system to be damaged. So the fluids that your lymphatic system should be moving throughout your body, there's a blockage. So for me, that's why I do have quite a bit of swelling through my legs and through my feet.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Um so that was challenging for me. It was challenging, I think, for my parents as well. My mom was a surgical nurse for 38 years, so she was pretty much on top of it. But even like trying to find shoes for me with because of the swelling was hard. I will say to my mom's credit, she always seemed to make it wanted to make it very feel very normal to me, yeah, not make it a big deal. Absolutely um, my mom was is a great seamstress, so she sewed a lot of my clothes growing up, which was great. But I always knew that I was different at the end of the day. You know what I mean? Like you go to your friend's house, like I can't borrow anything. You know, it's like, oh shoot, well, let me see if my dad has a pair of you know, that's what it was. So like you you can't help but know that you're different. Yeah, and all of my friends were thin and tall, and so it was hard. My sister was a great athlete, yeah, tall, long legs, like, and so I do think I really struggled to know. But I always knew that I was pretty. Um, I always knew that I was pretty. I always liked looking at myself, which was funny, but um I I just I did not come into my body understanding that all of its power until much later in life.

SPEAKER_04 8:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

We're gonna take a quick break and we will be right back. So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Said what I said with Tallinn.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

Welcome back to said what I said with Talene. We're gonna continue our conversation today with Carmen Renee. So, Carmen, I'll let you finish continuing what we were talking about.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Yeah, so I think, you know, you said earlier that people don't really come into their confidence. It usually happens because some some act some life event or something has caused it. I think for me it was just my whole life, and and I remember having this aha moment in my early 20s, and I said, I've literally spent my whole life at odds with my body. You know, I've been dieting since I can remember. I've been always told by somebody that something's wrong with me. I need to be smaller, I need to um wear different clothes, I need to, you know, fix something about myself. And it's like I've now I'm in my early 20s, spent all this time hating my body. Where has it really got me? Nowhere. So it's like, why would I not try loving it instead? And and that was the mind shift for me. And so ever since then, it it is something that I actively work on. And I'm in my late 30s, it's a journey. There's no, I don't think there is a destination when it comes to body acceptance. I think that you do your best to to travel down a path that is loving and graceful for yourself, but it's not like every single day I wake up and I'm like, you know, you got it all together, your body is T. Like, there are days where I struggle, but I know that making small mindset shifts, I I really try hard not to speak negatively about my body like at all.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Um, I don't I don't criticize it in the mirror anymore. That's a big thing for me. Like when I look in the mirror, I I mentally tell myself something good about my body, and that is it seems silly and it seems small, but I for a lot of women, they cannot get in the mirror and say something good about themselves. So true. And that is heartbreaking to me. Yeah. So I always say, like, just start small, you know. You don't have to be naked in the mirror to start with. You can be close and say something kind about yourself. And it's just little things like, you know, we're talking about 12 years probably that I've been doing this.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

So now it's that's my habit. The habit is not to look and see something bad, it's to look and see something beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

No, absolutely. I feel like we're so used to being so hard on ourselves, and like just in like the society that we live in, and like just being women in general, it's so hard, and no one will really ever understand that. Yeah. And so we put so much pressure on ourselves. So it is hard for people to like find and come to that realization of like learning to love and accept ourselves for who we are, and that what we are is beautiful and great enough, and we don't need to feel like we have to like do this or that to like be whatever type of person it is that society wants exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

And that's what it is because we really we don't have we don't have enough people and voices telling us to do anything different. We we open our eyes and we're instantly met with society telling us everything that's wrong with us, right? You know, we don't instantly open our eyes and be told how amazing we are, how powerful our bodies are, that they woke us up and took us to our workout, that they birthed your family, that you you know what I mean. I'm sorry, but women are strong as hell. Like you have kids and you take care of your kids, you work full-time, you come home. Your body allows you to do all those things and it doesn't get enough credit. No. But we also have a society that benefits off of all of our insecurities. We have entire industries who are making billions of dollars because of our insecurities. So it's up to us to change that rhetoric because they're not going to. That's you know, that's their bread and butter. Our insecurities are buying millionaires and billionaires their tenth, fueling their pocket. So I think that voices like mine and so many others, I I always want to be the voice that's working for somebody who wants to do something better with their lives, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Absolutely. Was there like a moment that you realize like the issue like wasn't your body? It was just kind of like the messaging around it.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Um, I'm not sure if it was a moment. I think it was just finally understanding that a lot of this isn't my fault, and I think that's such a misconception too with people who exist in larger bodies that um we this is what we choose and that our lifestyles are unhealthy. I that makes my brain like sh want to explode out of my head because it's so frustrating. And and I'm constantly, I feel like in a battle with internet trolls, and I'm like, do I wanna do I need to prove my health to them? No, but do I want to kind of because it really irritates me that you think that everybody who exists in a larger body are just unhealthy slobs. So I teeter between the line of wanting to prove it and understanding that I don't need to prove my health to be respected as a human. You know what I mean? Absolutely like we do not need to prove anything to be treated with basic decency, and so that's kind of where I I toggle between.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

Um, I will say though that something that has always been important to me is the people that I have in my life. Like, even when I did start dating, which was much later on, I just knew from the get-go that I needed somebody who made me feel better than I even that I could even make myself feel. Like I needed someone who was going to feed into my confidence and not take away from that. I've I've witnessed it, I've I've just seen and heard horror stories of partners demeaning their uh significant others, especially when it comes to weight and body. And I knew from a young age I wasn't going to tolerate that. And I will say I think that that is the best decision I've ever made, and I think that it shaped my confidence greatly.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

So I I think if young women are watching this, that is such a big piece of advice for me. Like, you do not need to tolerate anybody who does not make you feel like you are the most beautiful queen that has ever entered their lives. And I talk to women a lot about this online about insecurities that they have, about being intimate with people, and I always say the same thing. If if this person does not make you feel like it's such a privilege for you to even be in an intimate space with them, then they're not the right person. Because at the end of the day, I can guarantee you a man is not worried about your stomach rolls or you know, your breasts that have made friends with gravity at this point, like they don't care. It's a it is a privilege to be in your presence, especially in those intimate settings. Absolutely. So I think choosing partners throughout my life who have con who have contributed to making me feel like that, yeah, has made such a difference.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And I think that it's important that you hold yourself to that standard. Are my standards where they should be with everything when it comes to men? Absolutely not. But do I feel like a goddess every time I'm with them? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

Absolutely. And as we should be, baby steps. We're queens, like these women, like we're queens, and we deserve to be treated like that, you know, especially with everything that we have to just deal with in this society.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Yeah, and I think for men who are watching, it's important to understand men go through it too, but like women, we already are facing so many insecurities, yeah, that like we need that. We need those words of affirmation. We need you to affirm that you want us and you desire us just as we are.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

And I do think it goes both ways. Men want to hear that too. But I can guarantee you, like, your partner's gonna be so much more willing to be comfortable with you and explore if you make them feel like that they that you really desire them. So I feel like I took a little bit of a maybe a tangent on that, but it's important. And Valentine's Day. Or like right around Valentine's Day, yes, exactly. You know what I mean? Girls wear the lingerie, even if it's just for yourself, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

I love it. I love it. So, one thing I really like deeply respect about you is like how open you are about lipidemia, and because so many people don't know what that is. Um, so for listeners who have maybe are hearing this for like the first time, um, can you explain a little bit more to us about it?

SPEAKER_02 18:07

So, I I it's a little confusing because I have both lymphedema and lipedema. We talked a little bit about lymphedema. March is lymphedema awareness month. That's a damaged lymphatic system that can cause swelling um through your body and is very painful and tough to manage. There's no cure at the at the moment. Um, lipedema is more common, about one in ten women have lipedema, and that is uh a specific type of fat cell that you have, it's typically hereditary. So, for example, women's arms who kind of do this, um, it hangs. Um, that's typically lipedema fat. If you have fat that's right over your knees, um that's kind of a good way to indicate it as well. If you have tendernism, like for me, like this hurts, which seems crazy, but like it's it, they're the fat nodules themselves are very tender and are typically very, very painful. So if you bruise really easily, if you have tenderness on your arms and in the inside of your knees, that's usually a pretty strong indicator that you do have lipedema. Okay. So I didn't get my lipedema diagnosis until I was probably 30. And I remember I cried in the doctor's office because he told me, he goes, This isn't like it's not your fault. So lipedema fat cells do not respond to diet or exercise. So no matter how much my body changes, my weight fluctuates, these lipedema fat cells that are in my arms, they're in my legs heavily, um, the top of my butt, they it will never go away unless you have it surgically removed.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

And the surgery can be pretty invasive, and it's tough for me because I have lymphedema also. So because I have a damaged lymphatic system, it's just a tricky thing to navigate through my body.

SPEAKER_04 19:57

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

But I will say, again, one in ten women have it. It's very common. If you're looking for a diagnosis, you find a lip edema specialist. They're they're becoming more common because it is becoming something that's more recognized in our healthcare system.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Um, but I think it's important for women to have the diagnosis because one, it's just, you know, we most of us have battled this our whole lives trying to change our bodies. And at the end of the day, parts of your bodies will never change. And so that's kind of where the acceptance part comes in and figuring out ways to manage it. I will just say really quickly: great ways to manage both lymphedema and lip edema is eating anti-inflammatory because our bodies already hold so much inflammation because of these conditions, um, avoiding anti-inflammatory foods makes a huge difference.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Um, being super active, but low, um, what's it called? Impact. Low impact, thank you. Yeah, low impact is is key. So despite what my troll fans on the internet think, like I literally work out five days a week with the trainer. I don't eat gluten 90% of the time, I don't eat dairy 90% five percent of the time. Um, and then when you're traveling, using compressions helps a lot with the swelling. So if you're kind of a beginner, those are my three tips.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you so much for that. What's kind of like the biggest misconception people have about bodies affected by lipidemia?

SPEAKER_02 21:27

That we're just lazy and don't want to do anything about it. And that's you know, it is hard. I mean, I think it's also just frustrating because women, I think, just sh spend so much of their lives trying to lose weight. All women, you know, it's not I know it's not specific to me being a plus size person. People are always women are always trying to lose weight. And we are in this epidemic right now of skinny talk and GLP ones and And it it it just breaks my heart because it's it's just another diet fad to me. You know, I don't uh this is not a judgment thing, but it's to me it's no different than 90 um in the 90s when everyone was taking diet pills.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Like we don't know what the long-term effects of any of this is doing to your body. I know what it's doing to your metabolism. So when you get off of those, what's what are we looking at?

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

We're looking at the same thing we've always looked at, the yo-yo diet.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

So I think the misconception with people who have lipedema is that somehow we're failing ourselves, somehow we just don't want to do anything differently. And it's just not true. And I think when when women do get their diagnosis, it's a little bit of like a sigh of relief. Like I've been trying my whole life to do what I think is right, and at the end of the day, you're doing a good job. If you if you're doing what you can for your body, then you're doing a good job.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

So I think that's what I would say. But yeah. GLP ones, we could talk all day about that because that gets me fired up. It really does. It's just it's tough.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

For sure. We'll gotta talk about that a little bit more when we come back from the break. Stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Said what I said with Tallinn.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

Welcome back to Said What I Said with Talene. We're gonna continue our conversation with Carmen. We were just talking a little bit before the break about GLP1s. So we'll get a little bit into that. So talk to me a little bit how you feel.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

I want to hear I mean, I definitely have I feel like all of the feelings. I I think it's more of a frustration to me that we've reverted back to the beauty this beauty standard of wanting everybody to be thin. Um, I do feel like we made a little bit of progress through in the last probably 10 years of of celebrating body diversity and inclusion. And now, you know, I work full-time in social media, so I can feel all the trends, and my my pocket feels the trends. You know, five years ago, even four or three years ago, it was trendy. Brands were really on board with inclusivity, right? And now we're back to going to ultra thin, and it's not trendy anymore to be body positive or to be inclusive for brands, so they're not.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

And and I think more than anything, it's just so dangerous for young women. I mean, we just we talked about me growing up, you know. I'm I'm much older, so I didn't have we didn't have social media. I remember when we got dial up internet, okay, you know what I mean? Like it we didn't have it, so all I had was magazines and TV, and there was not there was not body diversity. So I grew up thinking, of course what I did, like I'm not desirable, I'm not the the main character, I'm not the girl who gets the guy.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

And so now we've we have created these platforms where it's it's been easier for younger girls coming up to see somebody that looks like them.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

So what I fear with this shift that we're making is that we're doing a disservice to anybody coming up who now they already are having body insecurities. Right. Girls younger and younger are having body insecurities, and girls younger and younger are are being affected by eating disorders. So all we're doing now is just pouring gas on that fire.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

And I don't want someone who follows me who's 15, 16, 17, who has a body like mine, and then they have to watch me shrink because I'm taking a drug that should not is not naturally would not naturally be in my body, is not I'm not losing this weight naturally. I'm taking something, a pharmaceutical brand made, paying money to change, alter my body and my whole body chemistry.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

And some girl now is saying, just maybe when she's coming into a point of her life where she maybe feels like she's gonna be okay, and now she feels like she has to change her whole life. Right. That I hate that. Yeah, and I I know people do what they need to. I understand the health aspect of it, of course I do, and I have goals for my own health, and I'm constantly trying to make it easier for my legs and my own body. Yeah, but doing that and and changing completely our whole bodies, yeah, because our the industry now is telling us the beauty standard is now telling us that we need to be thin again.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

It just I don't know. It makes me angry and it makes me very sad.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

No, a hundred percent. Like, I agree with everything you're saying, and it's just like it is really like sad to see like that people just kind of like now they jump to this like idea or whatever of like I need to look like this, I need to look like this, because like there's so many like painted narratives like out there now, like for people to look and be like, oh, like I can be like her, I can be like her, but then they kind of lose sight then after that of like who they are and like what we talked about earlier, like learning to accept who we are and be okay with that.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

And we're stamping the health stamp on it, and that just really pisses me off.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Because it's not healthy for a lot of people. No, you know, I'm sorry, but you're meaning to tell me Serena Williams, one of the greatest athletes of our time, maybe of ever, who has always been extremely active, has worked with trainers, chefs. You are telling me that woman's not healthy. She wasn't healthy 40 pounds ago?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

I don't buy that. I just don't.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

I, you know, I just got all my blood work back yesterday for my nutritionist, and you if I were to hand you my blood work, you would tell me this woman is healthy. If you were to, you know, if I were to go to the doctor for my physical, besides the number on the scale, you would tell me this woman is healthy.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

So it is it's just hard and it makes me sad. You know, I yeah, I have a young person who's very close to me who has been in and out of eating disorders since she was 13 years old.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

In and out of eating disorder treatment centers since she was 13 years old.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

You know what I mean? Yeah. And and it's because this is what she's seeing.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

Yeah. It's like what society has come to and is what has m like caused these problems, and it's affecting, like you said, 13-year-olds. Like it's insane to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

And I think it's also making people just all again way more comfortable. I um when we're filming this right now, it's it's about to be February. I've already received more hate comments on my weight specific and on my body this year than I probably received all of last year.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Which is insane. And you know, I do have a thick skin, but at some point it is it is hard. And yeah, and I would be lying if I didn't say like it doesn't get to me sometimes. The GLP one, it looks tempting sometimes, you know what I mean? I'm only human and yeah, and I also work in an industry that you know there's just not a lot of me there. I I I love my management team, but I'm the only plus size um influencer. You know, I go to a lot of events where I'm the only plus size influencer there. Yeah, you know, and then of course I'm the only one with the legs like mine, with the body like mine. So it does you have to just you, your mental has to be so strong when it comes to your body image for sure to be in this space. And you know, I'm I am only human, so sometimes it does get to me. But at the end of the day, I just always think of my why. And I my goal with starting this platform was always to help women be more confident to change some of the rhetorics that we have around bigger bodies. Yeah. And I don't want to let I don't want to let myself down. I don't want to let anybody who's watching me down. What whatever I choose to do with my body, I can guarantee you I will never be telling you to do that or flaunting it in your face, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Absolutely. You're always like giving a real and genuine response to your supporters and to people who look up to you online, which I admire so much about you. How do you balance that vulnerability without feeling like you owe people like access to your pain?

SPEAKER_02 30:36

That's that's a really good question. And that's really hard. Yeah. I think I really struggle with that because I in the last year I've I've worked on trying to find some type of balance, but I think I'm not always I don't always succeed. I think I want to share everything. Um but I remember when I went through my first breakup with my long-term boyfriend, we were together for 12 years, and he was so much a part of my page.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

And that was kind when it happened, I was like, okay, wow, like I'm definitely not ready to be sharing what's going on. And so that was the first time that I really had to, okay, Carmen, like this is your job. Yeah, like you gotta show up, you gotta be who you are, who you know, who you're you are on this platform, and then you share when you're ready. So that's that kind of helped me, but it it's really challenging because I do and I like being vulnerable. I share a lot about my mental health struggles, I share obviously a lot about body image. Um but you have to have something for yourself always. I mean, we all walk into jobs, whatever they are, and we have to leave stuff at the door.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Absolutely, yeah, for sure. What does body acceptance mean to you, especially compared to body positivity? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

So body acceptance to me is just giving yourself grace and understanding that your body is always going to be changing. It's not like, oh, I accept my body and I love it and that's it. No, body acceptance is my body is not the same body I had five years ago.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

You know, even two years ago.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

So how do I just continue on this journey of trying to feel my best, do my best, but meeting my body wherever it's at? And I think that's what body acceptance is. And I keep saying we all have goals for ourselves, and I don't ever want to discourage people from having those, whether they're fitness goals or you want to run a marathon.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

But where your body's at today, and the body that you woke up in, you gotta meet her with love and compassion and and grace because that's the same body you ought to wake up to tomorrow and next week and next month, and she might be changing. I'm sorry, like as women, our hormones change so many times through the month. Like we maybe get one and a half solid weeks where something's not happening. Yeah. So, you know, we just have to that's what acceptance is to me. Like, I'm I'm I'm rocking with you at every stage. Yeah, and I love you and I appreciate you, and I can see everything that you do for me.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Yeah, I love that you say that. Like, body acceptance, we really do have to just appreciate and love this body that God has given us and that we're so fortunate to have, and just be willing to give ourselves that love and that grace, like those flowers that we deserve, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

So, and I will say really quickly, the body positive movement has been so like I feel like taken and used for marketing purposes, but the body acceptance movement was actually created for marginalized bodies specifically, black and brown bodies, disabled bodies, plus size bodies, and it was created to be a space where they felt included and they felt safe. And what we've done is just taken that like as a a trend or a fad, and I feel like we've kind of stripped it down to something so simple, but it's not. It you know, it's supposed to be a space where people can feel included and not judged.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

So absolutely. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

Said what I said with Tallinn.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Welcome back to a said what I said with Telene. We're gonna continue our conversation with Carmen. So I want to talk about you've built a strong online community and not just followers, but just people who feel seen. How do you approach content creation knowing your words can really impact someone's self-image?

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Carefully. And like I'm always, I feel like anybody who's a content creator, like you're always just like thinking, like, okay, what's next? Like, what's gonna really resonate? You know what I mean? Absolutely. So I think I just go about it trying to share something that's going to maybe just brighten somebody's day, even if it not everything I share is like super prof prophetic. I wish it was, but that's not the right word. Prolific. Prolific, prolific, and I wish it was, but you know, sometimes it's just a positive space.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

And I do like that. I want you to come to my page and smile and you know what I mean? Not I don't know. So I I will say my page has changed a lot. I used to be a lot more naked. Like I used to think body positivity and body acceptance, like I just gotta show my body. Yeah. So now it's like, how do I incorporate day-to-day life but also make it messaging resonate with women who need to read it? So whatever outfit it is or a try-on or going to the gym, I do try to incorporate key messaging.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

But I also think that sometimes just showing up is the message.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

And I think that when I walk into rooms or I walk into events, like my body sometimes is a statement, and I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Because we need statements to make differ to make a difference. Absolutely. So I a lot of times, which I don't know how I feel about it. Women will just be like, oh my God, like I couldn't, I could never wear that, or like I love seeing you wear that because you know, I never thought I'd be able to, or I'd never seen a body like mine in that outfit.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

And that's sometimes enough.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

I think I just try to be authentic and show up and throw in some spicy statements sometimes that's gonna piss the internet off.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

I was gonna talk about it because I know you have in your bio too about taking up space. So I want to talk about that and like um what does taking up space look like for you now compared to before?

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Yeah, that's a great question. I will say that for so long I I feel like I always try to make myself smaller, and sometimes I catch myself still doing it, and not just my body itself, but like where I sit, how I sit, um, you know, my voice. You know, do I do I take up space with my voice in a room or or do I still let my voice be small? Because I grew up letting my voice be small for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

So I think that taking up space to me is not just physically, I think physically makes a difference. I think, you know, I'm still that girl, you want to put me in the middle seat of the air on the air on the plane, great. Like I'm I'm taking up my space. Like, I'm not gonna make myself small for you.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

So that's important, I think, especially for people who exist in bigger bodies, but for everybody, I think it's important for us to take up space with how we carry ourselves and what messaging we're sharing, how we want people to remember us by. I don't want to be remembered as the woman who was quiet, who kept her mouth shut when times were hard. I don't want to be the woman who didn't speak up for you know what's going on in in the country, whether it affects me directly or not. That's what taking up space means, and we all have a part to play with that, and I think we need to stop trying to play small, especially women.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

And we are under a time right now where I feel like we're going back in time in so many ways, and women are being targeted, and we're gonna be next. So I just want women to feel powerful in everything that you can accomplish in everything that you're doing.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

And don't let anybody make you feel small.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Absolutely. That was a really great message, absolutely. What kind of legacy do you hope to leave for people who are struggling with body acceptance or chronic conditions?

SPEAKER_02 38:48

I want people to remember that whatever makes us different is truly our superpowers. It's so boring to be like everybody else. I never want to be like anybody else, so I don't want to look like anybody else. And I think in a world where it's like copy and paste, that we I want everyone to feel and understand that whoever they are individually, that's who you're supposed to be. That's who God made you to be. He makes no mistakes in my eyes. So I'm exist in this body on purpose, and so do you. Whatever, whether you're talking to a quarter million people online or you're talking to your daughter, or you're talking to your niece, or whoever, the young people in your life, like you have the same impact that I have. And that's really the legacy I want to, I want to share and I want to leave. Like when I leave this earth. I hope everybody comes and celebrates me in their spiciest outfit that makes them feel the most confident and amazing, not because anybody else told them, because that's how they feel inside their core.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Yeah, I love that. And before we get into our last segment, I want to ask you do you have any upcoming like projects or anything you're working on that you would love to share with us?

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Oh gosh. Well, I'm manifesting for myself New York Fashion Week, LA Fashion Week and a Billboard.

SPEAKER_03 40:06

Yes, girl. So I love it. We're gonna see you up.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

That's what we're gonna see this year. Keep an eye out for that.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

Oh, yeah, we're gonna see it. Imagine like this comes out and then you have it. That would be everything. I'm manifesting that for you.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Yeah, those are goals. I want to see myself on a runway this year.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Yes. Oh my gosh, please. Yes, I'm here for that. Alrighty, we're gonna go into a little said what I said segment where we're just gonna say everything plainly, unapologetically, and out loud. Um, so I'm basically gonna say a little sentence, then you're gonna finish the phrase. Um, so the first one is a belief about beauty I had to unlearn was that there is a standard of beauty that needs to be upheld or I need to believe in.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

I'm my own standard of beauty.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

Period. I love it. If you could say one thing to someone who hates their body right now, it would be that's hard.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

I like stop, stop is what comes to mind. No, um, that there's there's so many more reasons to love your body versus hating it, and I can personally attest to when we when we change our mindset from I hate my body to I'm gonna try to love it instead, your whole entire world and your whole entire outlook will change.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

I love that. And I actually collected a few listener um prompts actually. So I had posted something on my IG story in regards to the topic of body acceptance, and these were all remain anonymous by the way. Um, so we're gonna just answer these two. But a listener wrote in and said, How can we support friends who are struggling with body image?

SPEAKER_02 41:47

That's such a beautiful question. I would say, I would say don't talk about their their bodies. Okay. You know how we see somebody and be like, oh my god, I haven't seen you for so long. You look like you have you lost weight. That can be triggering for people on its own. I always say, like, don't you don't need to be talking about your friends' bodies and be careful how you're talking about your body in front of them. That's something that um I know we're probably running out of time, but just really quickly, my best friend, her daughter just turned 18 yesterday. I've known her since she was four years old. And I when she was around nine, I said, Jessica, we're not we can't talk about our bodies bad. We're not gonna say anything bad about our bodies because she's she's at the age, she's gonna start listening. And now she's 18, she's the most confident, stunning, inside out young person I've ever met to this day. And she and we talk about it and she knows. Like, I grew up with women who only spoke positively about their bodies. So I think if you have people in your life we who are struggling, like the more positivity you feed into your own body, yes, they see that. That's how we started today. You said you walked into this room, and it's like this confidence is you know contagious almost. Yes, we can do that same with how we speak about our bodies.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Absolutely, like the positivity, like being surrounded by that, like has a huge impact on our lives and our everydaily like thinking and process.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

And if we had friends, we all have friends who who think like us and make this pack together. Yes, my her mom and her sister, my two best friends. Yeah, and we say all the time, like, we're really some confident badass chicks, and it's because we feed that into each other.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Absolutely. The second one was I'm uh currently struggling with my body image and want to learn how to accept myself. But with all the outside noise, it feels almost impossible. What are some tips you have to move past the outside noise?

SPEAKER_02 43:49

Unfollow any account or anybody who makes you who triggers that in you. Cause I think so much is tied to social media. Um find a find people who make you feel empowered. And practice the couple little tips I talked about earlier. Speaking positively about yourself every single day, reshifting. I feel fat today. No, I don't. You know what? Maybe I'm a little my hormones are I'm gonna start my period. Right. You know? And then saying something nice to yourself in the mirror every day. Like start small and I promise it will make a difference.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

Absolutely. I'm definitely gonna take those words of advice for myself as well. So thank you so, so much. Today, is there anything you want that you have on your mind right now that you want to talk about or speak about?

SPEAKER_02 44:31

I just wanna say quickly, just given the state with what's happening right now in our country, that I think it'd be a disservice not to just speak on um immigration, like especially sitting here in downtown LA, like a city that was literally built by immigrants and is so much just run and beautiful because of immigrants. So if you haven't already, I just urge everybody to call your state reps, call your senators, and I am a huge proponent, like defund ice at this point because what's happening is just not okay. Thank you for that. Had to get that. I don't think that we can just we're so blessed to be here and be moving about our lives like nothing's going on, but for sure. That's just not the case for so many.

SPEAKER_03 45:13

So no, absolutely. Thank you for taking time to like spread that awareness. And I think like with us having such large platforms, it is really important for us to shed light wherever we can.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

Anyone who's doing any type of activist work, I think that it's important that you learn that activism does not stop with your own cause. You know what I mean? Like we have to, we really had to advocate for everybody who doesn't have a voice.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Well said. Well said. Carmen, thank you again for coming on today. This was such an amazing conversation, and I hope that we can open this up and get attention to other people out there that these are conversations that are needed to be had, and it's important, and we need to shed light and awareness anywhere that we can with having the platforms that we do. So make sure you guys follow Carmen. She's eat the cakes too. I love that. Eat the cake too. I love I love cake. Okay. Conforming to any boxes, yeah. Yes. So make sure you guys follow Carmen to keep up with everything and continue to give her support. Um, but thank you guys for watching. This has been said what I said with Celine. And until next time, bye.